Archive for the Strange People Category

You Can’t Be Told What The Matrix Is…

Posted in Strange People with tags , , , , , on May 4, 2009 by Diggems

The Wachowski brothers, creators of  “The Matrix”, have lived a very private life. Not too many people get the opportunity to interview them, take pictures, or even hang out with them. Many see this reclusive behavior as a byproduct of their brilliant eccentricities. Rumor mills have been churning out reasons for this isolation for years. I’ve heard everything from them having some type of agoraphobia, to their public relation people keeping them under wraps because they’re assholes. Well a photo just hit the web showing Andy Wachowski making a dramatic transformation. There’s really no need to talk about it, pictures speak louder than words.

BEFORE

AFTER

Personally, I could give a damn what they dress up as, just as long as they continue making great movies.  

(Speed Racer is exempt)  

Diggems

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What the F**k is Wrong with Russia?!?

Posted in Strange People with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2009 by Max

live_in_russia1After spending the last hour or so scouring the interweb, I’ve come to a very chilling realization… Russia is a f**ked up place! Not f**ked up the same way Detroit is currently f**ked up, or the way that Iraq is f**ked up. What I mean is that, like in the movie Hostel, Russia is a place that will f**k you up – either mentally or physically – if you stay there too long. Don’t believe me? Ohhh don’t worry, after reading this you will.

In Case of Emergency Don’t Dial 911
images5The Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs after much thought and deliberation has decided that it is time to clean up the image and reputation of the Russian police force. After decades of outright corruption in the form of bribery, cruelty, drugs taking, the befriending of criminals, “indiscriminate sex”, and gambling, the Ministry has created a brand new code of conduct for the officers which it will distribute to every officer by the end of 2009.

Some of the items that the new code of conduct attempt to eliminate are drinking on duty, talking on cell phones on public transport, using drugs, offering or accepting bribes and engaging in “gross jokes and wicked irony”. All of which are probably not the best behaviors for an officer of the law to engage in.

On the bright side Russia is only number 147th in Transparency International’s annual corruption survey, which places it alongside Syria, Kenya and Bangladesh… Not bad company.

artpolarbear5So Drunk He Couldn’t Feel Sh*t
Alexei Roskov jumped from his fifth story Russian apartment and survived the 50 foot fall, almost unharmed. Now, this by itself is pretty amazing; however, add to this the fact that he drank three full bottles of Vodka prior to jumping and it becomes even more impressive! But wait, after stumbling back up to his apartment, Alexei Roskov jumped again… and survived yet another fall – basically unscathed.

According to his report, Alexei Roskov jumped the first time for no apparent reason (could the hard Russian liquor have had something to do with it). Then, after drunkenly making his way back up to his residence, he said that the horrified nagging of his wife Yekaterina was enough motivation to cause him jump a second time, which again he survived.

When the amazed medics finally arrived at the scene, they were shocked to find a man that only needed to be treated for minor cuts and scrapes.

Mr Roskov had this to say about the ordeal, “Now I can say just one thing – I was very lucky.

I have no idea why I jumped the first time but when I came back up and I heard my wife screaming angrily at me I thought it was best if I left the room again – out of the window.”

Alrighty then…

eatingI Told You Russia is F**ked Up…
Ok, I’ve saved the best – or worst depending on your point of view – for last. Two brothers, identified only as Timur (28) and Marat (23) G., admitted to killing their older brother Rafis and then eating him in the central Russian city of Perm.

The pair, who had previously served 10 years in prison for killing their neighbor, blamed their brother Rafis for their time in incarceration. According to their story, Timur had started a fight with Rafis for turning them in to the police. Marat soon joined the fray and together they beat their brother to death.

We decided to eat him. I did not want to go back behind bars so we cut off his head and buried it and cut up the body parts and kept them in a refrigerator,” Timur told police.

We have been cooking and eating his meat for six months,” he added.

The newspaper Tvoi Den reported Wednesday that police grew suspicious when the two brothers reported Rafis missing, but were aloof when asked to describe him so that police could begin a search.

A police raid of the brothers’ house uncovered Rafis’s skeleton that the cannibal brothers had stripped of flesh and buried in the garden.

No further comment needed…

Max

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“Hey Neighbor, Can I Borrow Some Sugar?”

Posted in Strange People with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2009 by Diggems

Let’s just get straight to the point. In Stuttgart, Germany a couple is currently having trouble getting their money back from a neighbor who recently performed a “service” for them.  Demetrius Soupolos, 29 and his former beauty queen wife, Traute are now trying to discern, with the help of the German legal system, whether their neighbor, 34 year old Frank Maus’ intentions were honorable.

But I think we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves, so let’s flash back to six months earlier. Demetrius and his lovely wife Traute were working on having their first baby. Unfortunately for Demetrius, his “little soldiers” took a leave of absence and together they were unable to perform their manly duty. So instead of paying the high cost of artificial insemination, the couple decided to ask their neighbor Frank Maus for a little help. At the time it seemed like a great idea. They were all friends, he obviously lived close by, he was already married with his own children, and as luck would have it, he closely resembled Demetrius physically. It’s as if the planets aligned perfectly.

The couple arranged a payment of $2,500 for the job, and for the next six months – three evenings a week, Frank and Traute did the “humpty dance” in an effort to bring a crumb snatcher into the world. There was one small problem, after 72 attempts the Soupolos’ were still without child.

After awhile Frank’s wife started complaining. I guess the tri-weekly back breakings that Frank was  administering to Mrs. Soupolos were starting to get tiresome.

Franks only response was, “I don’t like this any more than you. I’m simply doing it for the money. Try and understand.”

The humpty dance continued.

Finally Mr. Soupolos also grew weary of waiting; I’m sure the sound of your wife being ravished by your neighbor, in your bed, three times a week like clockwork would begin to work anybody’s nerves. Mr. Soupolos demanded that Frank get a medical examination to see what was wrong.

taxes1Surprise, surprise, guess who failed their fertility examination. You guessed it! Frank. It appears that Mr. Soupolos wasn’t the only one shooting blanks. The doctor announced that Frank was also sterile. But what about his wife and kids you ask? The only one who wasn’t shocked at this “Jerry Springer moment” was Frank’s wife. She was forced to confess that Frank was not the real father of their two children. I swear you can’t make this sh*t up.

So let’s review… Frank was plowing through Soupolos’ hot beauty queen wife for six months and was getting paid to do it. Frank’s trifling wife was forced to watch as her husband clocked in three nights a week and earned his wages. But poor Mr. Soupolos drew the ultimate short stick in this whole fiasco. While Mrs. Soupolos was getting her weekly beef injections from Frank, Mr. Soupolos lost money, his wife’s innocence, his kid, and in the eyes of the world, his self respect.

Mr. Soupolos is now attempting to sue Frank for breach of contract. It’s probably more for pride than for anything else. Frank on the other hand is refusing to give the money back. His argument is that there was no guarantee for conception, but that he would only give an honest effort.

You have to read the fine print.

Diggems.

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Instant Rapelay

Posted in Strange People with tags , , , , , , on March 12, 2009 by Diggems

chris_brownI didn’t think it was possible, but someone has figured out a way to outdo Grand Theft Auto in the depravity department. A new hit videogame has stumbled upon the open streets of Japan. From the looks of things it’s already available on the shores of the good ol’ US. What could possibly be more sordid than the mega hit franchise video game Grand Theft Auto which revels in the idea of theft, murder, and casual sex? What could be worse than a game that was renounced by the likes of politicos such as Lieberman and Hillary Clinton.

Well, leave it the Japanese to find a new way to up the ante with (drum roll please) a rape game. That’s right, you heard me correctly, a rape videogame. Let’s be clear, I’m already well aware of the difference between the Japanese culture and our own. In fact, I used to think that nothing could surprise me regarding their curiosity toward human sexuality. I’ve seen everything from vending machines selling used teenage girls underwear, to pornographic anime. But this is a line even I didn’t see them crossing.

The game is called Rapelay. Here’s an insert from one video game reviewer.

The game begins with a man standing on a subway platform, stalking a girl in a blue sundress. On the platform, you can click “prayer” to summon a wind that lifts her skirt. She blushes. Once she’s on the train, the assault begins. Inside the subway car, you can use the mouse to grope your victim as you stand in a crowd of mute, translucent commuters. From here, your character corners his victim—in a station bathroom, or in a park with the help of male friends—and a series of interactive rape scenes begins.

Early on, RapeLay operates like a visual novel—the exposition comes via text that scrolls over a series of static images, explaining your character’s plan to enslave three women one by one, and his eerie delight in the premeditation. Although the interactive assaults are difficult to endure if you have a conscience, the game’s text actually provides the most unsettling material. RapeLay relies on the horrendous, wildly sexist fantasy that rape victims enjoy being attacked. After the exposition, the game essentially becomes a simulator of consensual intercourse. There’s kissing. The women orgasm.

Alright stop the damn press! This is ridiculous. Who buys this s**t? I just don’t get it! I’m as much of a freak as any typical guy. In fact two of the things I love the best are sex and video games. I couldn’t think of a better time than getting my knob polished and playing Madden 2009 at the same time, but this is different. This is sick. A lot of money, time, and manpower go into making today’s videogames. It’s not like it was back in the 80’s when two guys sat in their mom’s garage drinking beer typing out code for Ms. Pacman. Many of these video game production companies have a very large staff. Who bank rolls this crap?

Can you imagine the staff meeting? Mr. Wong walks into the room with a beaming smile on his face. He’s carrying a presentation board. His colleagues sit in front of him at a circular table. He places the placard on the holder and clears his throat.

I’ve got this great idea guys. Instead of just making games with silly little animals solving puzzles and collecting coins, I think we should put our skills to better use and start putting these bitches in their place.”

A hush fall over the room, the company’s financier sits at the table twiddling his thumbs. He muses for a moment and finally speaks. “What do you have in mind?

Check this out”. Mr Wong unveils his placard. On the sign is a picture of a frenzied man dry-humping the leg of a woman. “Let’s start raping these hoes man!”

The financier says nothing. Slowly the corners of his mouth turn. His eyes gleam in delight. “By George I think you’ve got. Somebody here give Mr. Wong a raise. That’s the type of innovative thinking this company needs.

We’ve got to nip this in the bud now before it gets out of control. It’s only a matter of time before we start seeing games like:

Cellblock – You have to survive a 3 year bid in San Quinton by shiving your enemies and anal raping your way to the top. Salad tossing earns bonus levels.

The Foster Home Adventures – You and your meth huffing wife must molest and pimp out your foster kids in order to earn money to pay your coke dealer. Ashing cigarettes on the arms of the little ones has never been more fun.

The Klanning – Be the first to string up the darkies and whip your way into becoming a powerful grand dragon. Don’t let those silly Negro’s find the Underground Railroad.

It’s gotta stop…

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Love in the key of G

Posted in Strange People with tags , , , on February 16, 2009 by Diggems

Welcome back everybody.  I hope you all had a wonderful Valentines day filled with flowers, cards, candy, and good loving.  Before we move on and make the day of love a thing of the past, I have one more gift for all of the beautiful women out there.  The perfect Valentines Day song.

Love always,

Diggems