This ain’t your daddy’s type of grooming.

We live in a age where appearances speak volumes. The pussification of the man is in full swing. Long gone are the days of the 60’s and 70’s when it was considered sheik to walk around the beach with man fro on your chest. Nowadays that trend seems to be rapidly declining. We have everyday guys walking around here like Michael Phelps shaving chest hair and waxing their legs. I understand the importance of necessary grooming but unless you’re running or swimming for a gold medal there’s really no excuse for you to be shaving your legs.

There’s also another deeper, darker method of the manscaping process. The clippers and razors have now moved to the crotch. Like the funny shrubs at Disney Land, men are also clipping their pubes in an effort to maintain the status quo. I hate to admit that I have also become a victim of said pussification. I was the first to stand on the soapbox and point out the man hoes that were participating. Now I’ve relieved my stand and proudly stand amongst my bitch made brethren. My name is Diggems and I actively participate in manscaping. Alright, now that’s done let’s get back to the explanation.

First of all I’m not a hairy man to begin with. My follicles just don’t have the umph to pull off a chest beard. Any attempts to flaunt my peck carpet would only result in high pitch laughter from the neighboring lady folk. If you’re cursed with limited chest hair such as myself, do yourself a favor and the people around you a favor and clip those six mangy hairs off your chest. Like a balding man sporting a comb over, you’re only fooling yourself.

Ladies also seem to be more particular about a man’s armpit hair. The general consensus I’ve received is that shaven armpits are not a career ender for blossoming relationships. The flip side of that coin is the guy who appear to have buckwheat in a headlock. If you’re capable of actually combing your armpit hair then you are a sure fire candidate for a trim.

The absolute game ender for young men this summer is back hair. Thank you sweet Jesus for not cursing me with the mark of the beast. If you’re sporting a man sweater find a female friend, preferable a chick you’re not interested in, and have her weed whack that shit off. No lady wants to lay on your back and choke down back fur while she’s nibbling on your shoulder blades.

Lower body
This is the gray area of the manscaping process. Females don’t seem to mind hairy legs as much. In fact some think it’s really attractive. This is a subject best left to whatever type of responses you receive when sporting your man leggings. Personally, I feel it’s kind of weird shaving your legs but hey, it’s whatever floats your boat. The real meat and potatoes are the areas we’re about to discuss.

The Wedding Tackle
Here it is fellas… the place most sensitive to our egos. The twig and berries. This should be a carefully thought out and well groomed area. Believe me when I say this. NO woman wants to be diddling around downstairs only to find a crime scene between your legs. There’s many pros and cons to the way this can, and should, be done. Remeber, I’m only offering advice. I’m sure each of your have your own methods of getting your shag carpet up to speed.

You generally have three major choices. 1) You have the blow out – which is just letting your genital whiskers ran amuck unchecked. 2) There’s the light trim – which is the equivalent of a light taper or a “Caesar”. And then there’s the baby Stewie – this is when you shave everything to the point of looking like a new born baby.

I’ve tried all three and my advice is to do everything in moderation. When I came out of my draws looking like the wolfman I never received any complaints. Most females simply brushed my crotch-fro to side and continued like nothing even mattered.

When I rocked my tight taper. I got tons of comments ranging from, “Wow, that looks really sporty” to “Awhhh, you think you’re Hollywood now”. Whatever the case, none of the comments we’re bad.

Wearing the Stewie was another animal entirely! There’s just something funny about a grown ass man walking around sporting wood with no visible mane for proof of your maturation. You can’t beat the response you’ll get from this doozie. It’s an instant conversation starter.

Ultimately though, all of this clipping won’t mean a damn thing if you don’t trim or shave the hair on your sacks. If you’ve never had your balls properly “tended to” by the fairer sex, it’s probably because your sack game was not up to speed. I don’t really have any advice on how to manage your balls. All I can hope for is that you have a steady hand, especially if you’re using a razor. It’s one thing to get a nick on your cheek and it’s whole other thing to accidentally slice the skin off of your nuts.  One thing is for sure though, you’ll also be surprised how much more interested your lady will be concerning the offering of  “oral delights”; it’s like a puppy playing with a new chew toy.

Personally I still rock the Caesar. Yeah, I know it sounds gay, but fuck it. It’s cleaner, sportier, and it shows the young lady in your life that you care enough to clean up a little before she “cleans” you up a little.


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One Response to “Manscaping”

  1. I’d say to each his own. But we must be very careful in removing our body hairs. Manscaping is becoming a trend and when we remove our hairs, we should also think of what would happen to our skin. Aftershaves must be applied to protect our skin from bacteria. It can also prevent ingrown hairs.

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