What the F**k is Wrong with Russia?!?

live_in_russia1After spending the last hour or so scouring the interweb, I’ve come to a very chilling realization… Russia is a f**ked up place! Not f**ked up the same way Detroit is currently f**ked up, or the way that Iraq is f**ked up. What I mean is that, like in the movie Hostel, Russia is a place that will f**k you up – either mentally or physically – if you stay there too long. Don’t believe me? Ohhh don’t worry, after reading this you will.

In Case of Emergency Don’t Dial 911
images5The Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs after much thought and deliberation has decided that it is time to clean up the image and reputation of the Russian police force. After decades of outright corruption in the form of bribery, cruelty, drugs taking, the befriending of criminals, “indiscriminate sex”, and gambling, the Ministry has created a brand new code of conduct for the officers which it will distribute to every officer by the end of 2009.

Some of the items that the new code of conduct attempt to eliminate are drinking on duty, talking on cell phones on public transport, using drugs, offering or accepting bribes and engaging in “gross jokes and wicked irony”. All of which are probably not the best behaviors for an officer of the law to engage in.

On the bright side Russia is only number 147th in Transparency International’s annual corruption survey, which places it alongside Syria, Kenya and Bangladesh… Not bad company.

artpolarbear5So Drunk He Couldn’t Feel Sh*t
Alexei Roskov jumped from his fifth story Russian apartment and survived the 50 foot fall, almost unharmed. Now, this by itself is pretty amazing; however, add to this the fact that he drank three full bottles of Vodka prior to jumping and it becomes even more impressive! But wait, after stumbling back up to his apartment, Alexei Roskov jumped again… and survived yet another fall – basically unscathed.

According to his report, Alexei Roskov jumped the first time for no apparent reason (could the hard Russian liquor have had something to do with it). Then, after drunkenly making his way back up to his residence, he said that the horrified nagging of his wife Yekaterina was enough motivation to cause him jump a second time, which again he survived.

When the amazed medics finally arrived at the scene, they were shocked to find a man that only needed to be treated for minor cuts and scrapes.

Mr Roskov had this to say about the ordeal, “Now I can say just one thing – I was very lucky.

I have no idea why I jumped the first time but when I came back up and I heard my wife screaming angrily at me I thought it was best if I left the room again – out of the window.”

Alrighty then…

eatingI Told You Russia is F**ked Up…
Ok, I’ve saved the best – or worst depending on your point of view – for last. Two brothers, identified only as Timur (28) and Marat (23) G., admitted to killing their older brother Rafis and then eating him in the central Russian city of Perm.

The pair, who had previously served 10 years in prison for killing their neighbor, blamed their brother Rafis for their time in incarceration. According to their story, Timur had started a fight with Rafis for turning them in to the police. Marat soon joined the fray and together they beat their brother to death.

We decided to eat him. I did not want to go back behind bars so we cut off his head and buried it and cut up the body parts and kept them in a refrigerator,” Timur told police.

We have been cooking and eating his meat for six months,” he added.

The newspaper Tvoi Den reported Wednesday that police grew suspicious when the two brothers reported Rafis missing, but were aloof when asked to describe him so that police could begin a search.

A police raid of the brothers’ house uncovered Rafis’s skeleton that the cannibal brothers had stripped of flesh and buried in the garden.

No further comment needed…

Max

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