Archive for April, 2009

This Picture Makes Me Think…

Posted in This Picture Makes Me Think... with tags , , , , on April 28, 2009 by Max

This week’s picture makes me think

Baby kissing pig

No further comment…

Is Verizon Set to Bite into (St)eve’s Apple?

Posted in Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 28, 2009 by Max
We don't need no steenkin' keyboard (credit Gizmodo)

We don't need no steenkin' keyboard (credit Gizmodo)

If rumors are to be believed (and I do), Verizon is currently breaking its neck trying to find way’s to entice Apple to release a mobile device on its network. cnet.com further stoked the flames today with a story that contends that Apple may indeed release two new mobile devices on the Verizon platform.

One of these devices dubbed “iPhone Lite” would be a thinner, less fully featured version of the iPhone most of us know and love. The second device would be an Apple-ized Netbook. Now of course these are only rumors (and the above picture is concept art), but there are rumblings that Apple is keen on introducing its hardware to other wireless providers, or maybe muscling AT&T into sweetening its exclusivity agreement which is set to expire in 2010.

Personally, I do think that Apple will introduce additional wireless devices into the market within the next two years; however, I think that initally they will be on the AT&T network here in the US. For its part, AT&T realizes the importance of maintaining its exclusivity agreement with Apple, and will probably acquiesce to Apple’s wishes for a sweeter deal.

One must also consider the CDMA network upon which Verizon is built which currently runs counter to Apple’s “one phone for all networks” philosophy. Verizon is; however, hard at work on its next-gen LTE (Long Term Evolution)  4G platform which is set to roll out in 2011, which could logically be the date that Apple finally decides to say bye bye to AT&T’s exclusivity.

Regardless of how this turns out in the short term, the fact is Apple will eventually get its way long term. Much like the Motorola Razr, which was initially sold by Cingular (AT&T) but eventually hit every US network, the iPhone and any subsequent Apple mobile devices will eventually be available to all carriers.

Anyway, all this iPhone talk is well and good, but here’s hoping that the Palm Pre A) doesn’t suck B) quickly becomes available on other platforms as well! The more competition, the better!

Max

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10 Ways to Avoid the Swine Flu

Posted in Real Talk with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 27, 2009 by Max
visit www.youarefucked.com to grab your, "Clean Air 2000" now!

Visit http://www.youarefucked.com to grab your "Clean Air 2000" now!

10. Don’t kiss, caress or fuck any pigs

9. Don’t look at or inhale the scent of a pepperoni pizza, ham sandwich or pork chops

8. Avoid all police… (get it?)

7. Don’t talk to any Mexicans; if possible don’t even go near a Taco Bell

6. Wearing a surgical mask is certainly an advisable, if not a slightly weird and creepy, way to cut down on airborne swine flu germs

5. Don’t leave your house! Board up all windows, doors, and fireplaces. Better yet, if you have a storm cellar stop reading and head there right now

4. Change your name to Mohammed and embrace the Muslim practice of swearing off anything pork related. It is a proven fact that you cannot be effected by anything that your religion abjectly refuses to acknowledge… On the other hand, if there is a sudden outbreak of “Kebab Flu” you’re fucked!

3. Tin Foil hats have been known to block out the harmful effects of sunburn, radiation, telepathy, all forms of disease and acne… PICK ONE UP NOW!

2. If you see someone sneeze, cough, sniffle, or exhibit any signs of sickness, immediately locate an ax or other sharp cutting utensil, cut off their head and burn the body! Prior to cutting off of head and burning of body, please try to identify whether sneezing, coughing, sniffling is a symptom of allergies, regular flu, or allergic reaction to your cologne/perfume. These methods are also highly effective against zombie outbreaks…

1. Quit watching CNN & Fox News immediately! Severe paranoia caused by their sensationalizing of events is known to create extreme hypochondria which will kill you faster than the damn event that they’re covering!

Max

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Maybe I’m sick in the head

Posted in Stuff with tags , , , on April 26, 2009 by Diggems

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but this has to be one of the funniest animated shorts I’ve seen in years.  This is probably old to many of you guys on the net, but it was new to me.  The guy who created it is named Don Hertzfeldt.  Check out some more of his stuff on Youtube.

Diggems

Taking One For The Team

Posted in Offbeat News with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2009 by Diggems

barbie3I’ve never been a member of a frat. The whole idea of being physically and mentally punished for X amount of months just to become a member of something never struck me as favorable. I don’t have anything against greek life, I just don’t see all the hype about becoming a member. If community service was that big of a deal I could easily find other respectable ways of fulfilling my civic duty.

I ran across an article today that only reinforced my opinion regarding the whole thing. I understand that the shenanigans involved with the initiation process can be troublesome at times but this instance should make any man pause. The fraternity of Sigma Chi at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is currently suspended for hazing. After an enlightening experience with the fraternity, former pledges are coming forward to describe their loyalty. Most of the hazing was silly encounters, cold showers, food being thrown on you, getting cursed out, but one particular right of passage stood out from the rest.

An unidentified pledge reported to the police about being sexually assaulted by a stripper. The young man in question was handcuffed to a wall, blind folded and anally rapped with a vibrator. Witnesses say the young man begged and pleaded for the stripper to stop. It is reported that his future fraternity brothers instigated the whole thing and convinced the stripper to continue. The following day the pledges brothers asked if he was alright, but according to the police report their apologies seemed slightly less than sincere. Charges are still pending.

Now let me get this straight. You want to be loved and respected so bad that you’re willing to let a “woman of the night” cornhole your dumb ass? I guess nothing says loyalty like having your prostate pushed in. What I don’t understand is what kind of guys would want a member of their little circle to be raped right in front of them?  What sick kind of brotherhood are you trying to form here?  How can you respectably say your fraternity’s name out loud with pride in your voice? 

“Come join Sigma Chi, we’ll push your shit in the right direction”.

All the blame can’t go to the frat guys.  Some of these sad bastards with esteem issues need to be scolded as well.  If you need that type of love and admiration on a constant basis then get a dog. That way all the shit you’ll be picking up won’t just be your own.

Diggems

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This Picture Makes Me Think…

Posted in This Picture Makes Me Think... with tags , , , , , , , on April 21, 2009 by Max

It’s time for another “This Picture Makes Me Think“… This week, our photograph includes a Grandmother that just doesn’t know when it’s time to hang up the “booty shorts”… Give us your ideas for appropriate captions in the comment section. We will post the best ones next to ours!

bgranny20daisy20dukes

1. This is NOT the definition of GMILF!

2. “Hey baby, you lookin’ mighty fine in dem thur shorts of urs!”

3. After approaching the scene of the crime, the “Fashion Police” realized they were in way over their heads and called in the “Fashion SEALS“!

4. Five words that should never appear in the same sentence – Vericose Veins, Cellulite, Booty Shorts…

5. This is what happens when you allow your senile grandmother to dress herself and then wander out of the house unattended…

6. Even this many years after the show had been cancelled, Daisy Duke still had trouble letting go of the past.

mtv301

 7. Ok, who’s idea was it to buy grandma a copy of Beyonce’s album, “Sasha Fierce“?

8. Booty shorts on grandma = FAIL!

9. I thinkbarbie2 they’re related?  

 

 

 

 

 

10. After seeing that picture of grandma, I want someone to call Obama and tell him to ban summertime!

Max

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Illegal Aliens?

Posted in Real Talk with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2009 by Max

upset1Let’s be honest here, I consider myself an open minded guy. I try not to lean too far to the extreme on any given issue simply because that practice has a way of clouding a person’s judgment and objectivity. There are; however, some issues where I simply won’t follow the conventional wisdom. One issue in particular that I’m pretty stubborn on is aliens, and by aliens I don’t mean Elian Gonzalez the illegal alien from Cuba.

I raise this issue because today I saw a CNN poll that asked, “Do you believe that extraterrestrial life has visited Earth?” Out of 72,000 respondents, 62% or 44,000 responded “Yes”.

Now hold on for a second, I thought that April Fools Day was 21 days ago and 4/20 or National Pot Day (if you will) was yesterday. Because either there are still a lot of people feeling the lingering effects of these two days, or someone’s trying to combine them into some weird hybrid holiday on April 21st.

62% believe that we have been visited by aliens! I’m actually a little shocked by this. Let me be clear here, I do not think that we are being visited by aliens not only because I have seen no clear evidence to support their existence, but also because there would be absolutely NO WAY to hide their arrival if they did show up.

As a young man many moons ago I was actually in the, “UFO’s might occasionally pit stop on earth for McDonalds’ fries and burgers, while on some inter-galactic voyage” crowd.

It wasn’t until; however, someone pointed out that with the plethora of satellites that are currently in the sky, the sheer amount of telescopes that we have looking into the heavens, and the vast amount of radio technology that we have sweeping the solar system, it would be nearly impossible to have aliens visit us without being detected well before they reached our planet, that I changed my viewpoint.

Now I know that there are those who are going to say, “Well aliens are… smart, so if they wanted to visit our planet undetected, what’s stopping them from bypassing all of our ‘advanced’ detection technology.”

I guess my only response to that would be, “So you’re telling me that aliens traveled billions of miles undetected, bypassed all of our advanced technology, and then somehow slipped up and allowed themselves to be caught in an unfocused 35mm camera photograph by some guy in Wyoming named Jeb?!? Seriously?!?

Do I believe that life exists on other planets in our universe? Yes! I absolutely do if you define life as the existence of organic material that barbiereacts to environmental stimulus. Do I believe that there are aliens out there with super advanced Star Trek-like technology zipping from galaxy to galaxy kidnapping farmers, raping cows, and leaving huge graffiti art in cornfields? Sorry pal, not quite!

Yesterday (funny to pick that day) in conjunction with their poll, CNN.com posted an article discussing whether or not UFOs have indeed visited us. The focus of the article centered on Edgar Mitchell a former astronaut who believes that we are indeed being visited.

According to Mitchell, Mankind has long wondered if we’re “alone in the universe. [But] only in our period do we really have evidence. No, we’re not alone

Our destiny, in my opinion, and we might as well get started with it, is [to] become a part of the planetary community. … We should be ready to reach out beyond our planet and beyond our solar system to find out what is really going on out there.”

Coincidentally, Mitchell is from Roswell, New Mexico site of the infamous “alien visit” and subsequent “government cover-up”, which helps explain why he is so adamant about the earth being a rest-stop for alien life forms. Ultimately though, I must point out that being a former astronaut makes Mitchell no more an expert on alien life than being an airline pilot makes a person an expert on bird life.

So let me simply put it this way. I’m not going to support the idea that we are occasionally, frequently, or rarely visited by aliens until there is solid empirical evidence to prove that it has happened. Then, once we do have proof that they have been visiting earth, I think the US congress should quickly move to ban their unlawful visits to our planet; at least until we can prove that they have not been taking American jobs… 

Max

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