Max’s Quik F’its!

evilmonkeybuisnesssuit1Well for Daily F**k Its, week number three has drawn to a swift conclusion. I actually spent the end of last week and first half of this week feeling crappier than two day old sh*t (thanks A. A.)!

Word of advice, if you’re going to catch a nasty flu bug from someone, you want to first make sure that they don’t have the physical constitution of a race horse, because if they can catch a flu bug that knocks them out, when they transfer that bad boy to your weak and frail frame… Well let’s just put it this way… Saturday and Sunday I barely had enough strength to breath, let alone walk and talk!

Anyway, this has been another great week for our site! I want to thank all of our readers! To be honest, from a “news” perspective, compared to last week, this week has been pretty uneventful. No low speed car chases through Diggems’ Hollywood neighborhood, no teen singing sensations face-planting their superstar girlfriends on the sidewalk in public. This week it was just the normal stuff; $1 Trillion dollar stimulus packages, plane crashes, and monkeys beating the sh*t out of little ol’ ladies!

Oh yeah, we did have the All-star Game on Sunday, which I didn’t watch. They play that particular game like they don’t care, so I watched another channel like I didn’t care either. I was actually invited to go to Phoenix for All-star weekend but decided well in advance that I didn’t want to run the risk of getting mugged by someone like…

<— This guy! Or these guys! —>

 Just kidding! Mr. Iverson’s actually sporting a brand new hairdo, although somehow he still has a big thick “part” down the middle of a low fade?!? But I guess that just isn’t going anywhere! Anyhoo…

Thanks for the $3,333!
That is your contribution to the stimulus package, along with every other man, woman, and child in America. I figured that out by myself, so it could be off by a couple of thousand bucks…

As much as people complain about their tax dollars being “mis”-used, I still ask the same question, “What difference does it make what your tax dollars are used for? It’s not like you’re paying any less in taxes whether they pay for a war in Iraq, sex education for immigrants, or foreclosure relief for millions of Americans!” When I give a homeless person a dollar, I don’t grill the guy about whether he’ll buy a bottle of booze, a sandwich, or a vial of crack with the loot, either way its money gone.

I think it is flawed to complain about the usage of “your” tax dollars (they’re never really yours)… You elect the guy that spends the money, so you don’t get to bitch and whine if he decides to spend your money launching nukes up the ass of dark people in other countries…

This is One of Those Times Where Hindsight Kinda Sucks…
This week we all heard about the plane crashing into the house in Buffalo! Not really that much to see here; although, now their claiming that the pilots on board were inexperienced, and didn’t have “enough training”. Ooops! Isn’t that something you probably want to determine before you load up the plane with passengers and luggage, and fire the damn thing into the sky?!?

My Two Favorite Things: Monkeys and Midgets
ti-gunsI usually don’t share the above information with anyone… But there is just something really funny to me about really short people or primates in grown up peoples clothes! Anyway, the chimpanzee that attacked Carla Nash on Monday February 16th gets a huge “F” for Fail.

ti-guns3First of all, instead of being short, cute and funny like Chim-Chim from Speed Racer, that f**ker was big, pissed and wrinkled like Della Reese in Harlem Nights! And then, instead of clowning around for bananas ‘n sh*t like most monkeys, this one went on a several hour long murderous rampage for no apparent reason! Its hard to find anything humorous about this story, unless – of course – you find the fact that it was drugged with anti-anxiety pill Xanax, stabbed repeatedly, hit with a shovel, and then finally shot several times before it would die – funny!

I guess there’s a moral in that story somewhere, but for now I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Anyway, again thanks for reading us this week farewell, adieu, and que te cuides!

Ps. As always, we’ll be back bright and early on Monday with brand new content. Also, if you haven’t already, hop over and check out our sister site Sex.Money.Politics. (SMP)!

Pss. Tell your friends about us!



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