He May be a Chimp, but He’s Nobody’s Monkey!

evilmonkeybuisnesssuit

When I first posted “This Picture Makes Me Think…” with the picture of a cute little monkey getting ready to go  completely ape sh*t on his owner, I have to admit it was done purely for the comedic factor. The thought of a tiny little monkey cracking a grown man’s skull made us all laugh out loud.  Well today, during my usual trip around the interweb, I stumbled on a story that is literally too outrageous to be fake, and way too deep to be taken lightly. Now I’m starting to look at monkeys with a whole new level of respect. Seriously, you can’t make this sh*t up; check it out…

WOMANS LIFE IN DANGER AFTER CHIMP ATTACK

According to CNN.com, on Monday February 16, Charla Nash a 55 year old Connecticut resident was attacked by Travis, the 14 year old chimpanzee pet of her friend, Sandra Herold. Here are the highlights of CNN’s story:

– Herold had called Nash to her house to help get 14-year-old Travis back inside after he used a key to escape.
– Unprovoked, Travis jumped on Nash and began biting and mauling her, causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands.
– While her friend was being attacked, Herold tried to pull the primate off her, but was unsuccessful.
– She then called 911 before stabbing the chimp with butcher knife and hitting him with a shovel. (I promise I’m not making this up!)
– Neither fazed Travis.
– Police later shot the chimp multiple times after he attacked an officer inside a police cruiser.
-Travis returned to the house, where police later found him dead.

Capt. Rich Conklin estimated that Travis weighed close to 200 pounds. He also said this isn’t the first interaction his officers have had with Travis. Apparently the chimp escaped back in 2003 and “wreaked havoc” on the streets of Stamford CT for a couple of hours.

After an unrelated 2005 chimpanzee rampage, where a chimp escaped California’s Animal Haven Ranch and chewed off a man’s nose and genitals, Anderson Cooper interviewed wildlife expert Jeff Corwin.  “It’s often said that an adult chimpanzee weighing in at 150 pounds is three to seven times stronger than a human being,” Corwin shared.

The thing about chimpanzees is, we sort of look at them through our rose-colored cultural glasses of the cute little chimp in the ‘Tarzan’ movie. Those are very young chimps. Chimps grow up, they become very powerful. They are very complex in their behavior. They have a whole range of emotions, including violence and anger.”

Let me be extra clear here, I’m not making light of this situation. According to the report, 55 year old Nash sustained some very serious injuries from this attack; however, what is most surprising me is how naive I was. Jeff Corwin hit the nail right on the head when he said, “we sort of look at them [chimpanzees] through our rose-colored cultural glasses of the cute little chimp in the ‘Tarzan’ movie.” Guilty as charged!

In fact, the more I think about this report, the more I’m picturing some guy in Africa logging onto CNN.com right now. After reading this story, I can see him falling to the floor in an absolute fit of hysteria. He probably then calls one of his closest friends and tells him to log on and check out the story. Then, together, they both tell jokes and laugh until tears are rolling down their ebony cheeks.  Then, right before they get off the phone, one of them with a long wistful sigh probably says something like this, “Well, Solomon, look at the bright side, at least she didn’t own a pet lion…

Max


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3 Responses to “He May be a Chimp, but He’s Nobody’s Monkey!”

  1. It’s obviously no laughing matter, but there’s one Hollywood celebrity who might still get in on the whole chimp-chomping affair.

    http://markdaycomedy.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/chimp-mauling-face-transplant-mused-upon/

  2. I knowa guy that owns a chimp its a baby right now, but i aint going near that thing after reading this shit. First of all, what is a 55 yo supposed to do? Lure it with bananas and candy? People are so stupid. Also the part about the african guys was funny as hell!

  3. a CNN commentator made a good point about the impossibility of ever truly domesticating a wild animal, no matter how much a person might want it to to be domesticated

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