All’s fair in love and food

It was Superbowl Sunday and I was at a Party in the Hollywood Hills. It’s one of the few times that I get out of the house and hang out with other actors. The scene was pretty rowdy. People were drunk; wing sauce stained the shirts and dresses of a neighborhood feeding frenzy across from me. Domino’s and spades were being played in the backyard, and somebody had let drunk-ass uncle Antwon out of his room (you can tell because every once in awhile a pretty lady walked by with a greasy hand print on her ass). You can pretty safely assume that I was at a black party.

The actual football game was pretty boring. We all basically accepted the fact that Pittsburg was gonna walk away with a “W” so nobody was really paying attention to the television anymore. I decided to go to the kitchen and grab another beer. There was a small group of people watching another TV above the fridge. I weaved through the crowd and grabbed a cold one.On the tube was another Superbowl commercial. This one had three wise guys sitting in a diner talking about a hit or something. I paid it almost no attention, went back to nursing my beer, and walked back to the main television in the living room.

A couple of seconds later I heard a dull roar coming from the kitchen and living room. I looked around confused, I see people giving each other high-fives and holding up their drinks. The first thing that came to mind was, “Awhh man, I just missed a good play”. Then a group of people next to me started murmuring something about Denny’s. The look on their face indicated that they were not happy.

What’s going on”, I asked.

One of the girls looked at me, “Denny’s just announced that they are giving away free breakfast on Tuesday and these fools think they’re getting the hook up.

“Free Breakfast!” I respond excitedly.

I couldn’t get my thoughts together. When? What time? Which Denny’s? For how long? Jesus woman I need answers! My mouth started watering before I could wipe it. I felt like Pavlov’s dog right after the bell was rung. I looked around and people were still celebrating. The young ladies next to me just stood there with “stank” looks in their eyes, arms folded, huffing as if somebody just sh*t their draws. I’d obviously missed something.

“Why are you so upset about it?” I asked.

“Denny’s thinks they can just lure us back into their good graces by throwing free food at us. And look how they’re acting. Dancing around, acting a damn fool. Are the only ones that remember how Denny’s didn’t give damn about Blacks and Latino’s a few years back. Am I the only one who cares?”

I had to think about that statement for a minute. Then it all came rushing back to me. There was this settlement that Denny’s made with its black patrons for discriminating service. It happened back in 94. I was only a senior in high-school when it was announced. At the end of it all Denny’s shelled out $46 million in damages.

“Oh yeah, I remember that,” I said. “Wasn’t that damn near 15 years ago?”

“So,” She fired back.

“So you better get over that shit and get you some free grub.”

Some guy walks by me on the phone. I could overhear his conversation through the roar. “Yeah man that’s right, free breakfast, call up the homies, it’s on!”

I looked back at the young ladies, they were still pouting. I’d had enough of their attitude, “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but black people love free food about as much as we love R. Kelly. It doesn’t really matter what happened in the past just as long as it doesn’t get in the way of what we want in the present.”

One of the women rolled her eyes at me and said, “That’s probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”.

I quickly realized there was no reasoning with these women, and decided to return to the festivities.

February 3rd is here! I call up a couple of friends and head over to the place of all this controversy. The line is down the street. I have to admit that I’m shocked at the turnout. You’d think they are giving away Bentley’s. There’s even a news crew present. I guess with all the black people and Mexicans in attendance, the press probably assumes the worst. I don’t know how the turnout is across the rest of America, but if it looks anything like the Denny’s I’m at, then property values around America are falling faster than Circuit City’s stock. Anyway, regardless of the demographics it’s a fun crowd, actually kind of festive. I’m now looking forward to Denny’s next gimmick. Probably something like free neck bone and pigs feet with every order of sweet tea.



2 Responses to “All’s fair in love and food”

  1. If you think that was some madness, imagine how things may have gone down if footlocker gave away free air-force ones for a couple of hours. They would have been hauling customers off in patty wagons.

  2. diggems you are silly. At first i didnt know where you were going with this. but i have to say i totally agree about black people and food we love us some free shyat! i live in Fla and the Dennys in my area also had a line up the block…

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