“The Michael Phelps Golden Water Pipe”

OK, OK, OK! If you’re like me, you probably heard the news of Michael Phelps’ admitting to marijuana usage, fell on the floor and LOL’ed your ass off! But if you’re really like me, your fits of hysteria actually had very little to do with Mr. Phelps’ situation specifically. You see, my laughter was aimed at all of those naysayers who “claim” that marijuana use leads to a lowered motivation and lackluster performance. I mean seriously, in one fell swoop, Michael Phelps probably did more for all of the world’s weed smokers than Cheech and Chong ever did.

After reading the Phelps story, holding onto the belief that marijuana in any way hinders a person’s performance is like stating that Beyonce Knowles’ admitted love of Popeyes Chicken has hurt her figure (or ability to dance). This episode simply proves that blanket, knee-jerk decisions really only hurt the “good guys”. I mean sh*t, because he was caught puffing the magic dragon, Mr. Chon… I mean Phelps… could potentially lose millions of dollars in endorsements; as well as, irreparably stain a well deserved golden boy image. Call me a liberal, but I personally don’t think that the crime fits this punishment.

In a statement released through one of his agents, Phelps said the following, “I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment, I’m 23 years old and, despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

I agree with Phelps that it was regrettable, regrettable that he should have to release such an asinine public apology for such a benign act. I mean c’mon, at a time when millions of American’s face layoffs, foreclosures, and bankruptcy; a time when hundreds of lives are being lost at war, do we really care that a 23 year old phenom was photographed by a snitch sucking on the business end of a bong!?! I’m sure if one were to ask around, one would find that more people are smoking pot now than ever before simply in an effort to maintain their sanity. How do you think these people feel about this situation?

Actually, now that I think about it, Michael Phelps should have released a public statement; however, it should have gone something like this… “To all of my loyal and dedicated fans, I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. Instead of wasting all of that good weed in a bong, I should have rolled it in a fat joint, hopped my ass in the ocean, swam all the way to Washington DC and smoked that sh*t on the Whitehouse lawn with President Barak Obama. ‘Cause both of us are now “guilty” of smoking weed, and guess what… That sh*t hasn’t stopped either of us from achieving never before imagined heights! So the next time one of you losers judge me, maybe you should try smoking some f*cking pot!”

… Ok maybe I got a little carried away, but you get my point. Give the guy a f*cking break. In fact, I have an idea. If he loses one dollar in endorsements, High Life magazine should make him their international spokesman and name a special edition bong after him, you could call it The Michael Phelps Golden Water PipeGuaranteed To Give You an Olympic Pool Sized Buzz!



2 Responses to ““The Michael Phelps Golden Water Pipe””

  1. I agree. Stuff like this is a double edged sword. Some people will love you for it, others will hate you and feel betrayed.

    I guess the point of the post is simply “legalize”… not that I have any vested interest either way. 🙂

  2. Phelps might have made alienated a few people with that pot-smoking picture, but i think he might have gained the support of another huge group of people to take their place

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