Archive for February, 2009

Stand By Ur Man

Posted in Offbeat News with tags , , , , , , on February 28, 2009 by Max

42-16212052Well, after all the drama, it appears that Mr. Breezy aka Chris Brown, and Rhi-Rhi aka Rhianna are back together again. I can’t say that I’m surprised by this; in fact I’m surprisingly apathetic.

What is interesting to me; however, is how this will affect their respective careers. It seems, that by confirming her love for Chris, Rhianna may actually have salvaged what looked to be a “dead career walking” (Chris’ career that is).

I still truly believe that there was more to this story than Chris simply going postal on the way to the Grammy’s; and by taking him back, it appears that Rhianna’s actions confirm my suspicions.

If you were a Chris Brown fan before this entire episode exploded, did what occurred fundamentally change your feelings towards him? Will you still support him? Do you think that either will be able to achieve the same levels of success (or greater) that they had prior to the incident?

Remember what they say, “there is no such thing as bad publicity!” Let us know your thoughts.

Max

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Max’s Quik F’its!

Posted in Quik F'its with tags , , , , , , , on February 27, 2009 by Max

Well it’s Friday, so that means it’s time to examine the week that was. From crazy women with too many children, to crazy children with too much game, let’s look back…

Why do women with lots of kids love the limelight?
Nadya Suleman, like Sarah Palin, just won’t go away! She told Dr. Phil that having the octuplets was now a “mistake”.

Unlike most, I have honestly tried my best to ignore this chick. But like most sideshow performances, eventually you seem to get sucked in against your own freewill.

For me, the icing on this cake was the offer for $1,000,000 by Vivid Entertainment, the worlds largest pornography producer, for Suleman to appear in several films. When the porn industry comes knocking, you know that any hope you had of being taken seriously is out the window. Fortunately she turned the offer down, albeit with a slight caveat, “Of course, if I have more kids I may have to ask for $2 million”. What a joke!

<—- This guy has the crooked-est smile ever…
If you had an opportunity to see Gov. Bobby Jindal give his speech after the Obama congressional address, you had the opportunity to see one of the worst speeches ever. Don’t get me wrong, the substance of the speech was pure Republican/Conservative politics. What was so painful for most; however, was the stilted, scripted, and largely flat delivery.

Obviously an Obama speech is a tough act to follow, but Jindal’s performance was bad enough to make even George Bush wince. Sorry Republicans, it might be time to dust off another robot, ’cause this guy’s extra rusty…

Pimpin’ ain’t easy, and these days it ain’t fun either!
One count of child prostitution and three counts of pandering, or serving as a go-between or liaison for sexual purposes. Nine counts of child prostitution, two counts of receiving earnings of a prostitute, and one count of pandering. These are the charges facing sixteen year olds Tatiana Tye and Jazmine Finley respectively.

These are all felony charges, and highlight just how deeply involved these young ladies were in their profession of choice. According to prosecutors, Tye and Finley were able to recruit the young prostitutes by pointing out “all the money they would be making. Additionally, they were told that it was better working for them as opposed to male pimps because they would not get beat up.” Well sign me up!

As I’ve mentioned before, this is one of those stories that is simply hard to swallow.

According to Tye’s grandmother, “I want (people) to know that my little granddaughter, she is a loving person. She smiles all the time … she’s a little confused, but that’s no reason, and people shouldn’t sit and judge people. I just don’t like that. You don’t know the facts, you don’t know the truth, don’t do that.

She then went on to say, “Pay attention to your kids. If you’re a grandparent, pay attention to your grandchildren, because you never know what they’re up to. This is a big mess, and that’s what it is.

Yeah thanks, but excuse me if I don’t rush to take child rearing advice from the grandmother of a sixteen year old female ex-pimp…

Max

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I Wish I Was a Bra…

Posted in This Picture Makes Me Think... with tags , , , on February 26, 2009 by Max

I decided to post this picture for all of the gentlemen (and I guess ladies too) out there… Enjoy!

evilmonkeybuisnesssuit2
credit – Robert Mora/Getty Images

You may recognize Roselyn Sanchez from one of her several Hollywood movies (most of which largely sucked). She did have a part in Rush Hour 2, playing the part of Jackie Chan’s love interest, “Isabella Molina“. Unfortunately she just missed winning the Oscar for that role…

Anyway, she is a member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)… nobody’s perfect right… and recently appeared nude in an ad in support of anti-fur campaign efforts (I’m actively looking for the picture). Interestingly, at the relatively young age of 36, she is already in her third marriage! What’s up with beautiful Puerto Rican women and bad relationships (J-Lo, I’m looking at you)!

Honestly though (I’m probably going to catch some heat for this one), this picture makes me think, “I wish I was a bra, because I would love to hold those t*ts all day long“!

Max

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It’s Hard Out Here for a Young Pimp!

Posted in Offbeat News with tags , , , , , , on February 24, 2009 by Max

shaq2I’m going to file this story under impressive, but very sad. According to CBS affiliate KPHO news, police in Phoenix Arizona arrested two 16 year old girls, Jazmine Finley and Tatiana Tye, for being… pimps! Yes you read that correctly, P.I.M.P.S.!

According to the report, these two young “enterprising” women recruited girls at local Valley high schools in the Arizona area to be part of their prostitution ring. Investigators stated that at least five girls were involved in the indiscretion, ranging in age from 14 to 17.

The victims (if that’s the right word) stated that they could make a few hundred dollars a day “turning tricks” for the two young pimps, and at one point the two young pimpstresses even rented an apartment where sex was traded for money.

I honestly hope that these two young ladies are able to turn their lives around, because it takes an incredible mouthpiece to coerce another individual into selling their body for money… Not that I would know or anything, but I would imagine it does.

The question I have is, who where the customers of these young ladies? None of these girls were legally old enough to have sexual relations with adult males without statutory rape charges being filed, so I can only imagine that the fallout from this one is just beginning. More importantly, where were the parents?

In today’s economic environment it is very likely that we will hear more reports like this. Not that any of these girls first filled out applications with McDonalds or Walmart before settling on prostitution, but I don’t think this is by any means an isolated case.

This is one of those times where I don’t have anything sly or witty to say. Between the obvious parential neglect, and the “tricks” that took advantage of these young girls, I’m honestly disgusted. How about you?

Max

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Diggems’ Quik F’its!

Posted in Quik F'its with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2009 by Diggems

I’m really starting to get sick of the “octuplets mom”.  Only in America can you become famous for being a test tube’s whore.  Now her eight new welfare candidates run the risk of being orphaned due to the recent increase in death threats she’s received.  I guess the Wayans family wants its title back.  My advice is to ship the whole family over to Singapore.  I’m sure Nike has plenty of room for the little crumb snatchers making shoelace tips at 35 cents a day.

rihanna2Rihanna’s police photos hit the web today.  Oooops did I say hit.  My bad.  They’re not as horrible as the media would have you believe.  Between Chris Brown’s comical apology, and these over hyped photo’s, I’m officially done with the whole thing.  It’s not a major loss I suppose.  Chris would never have been as good as Michael anyways.

michael-jacksonSpeaking of Michael.  Mr. Jackson put Neverland up for sale.  Over 200 of Mike’s personal belongings hit the auction block.  His famous crystal encrusted white glove is expected to sell for over $10,000.  It’ll actually cost you $15,000 if you want to keep the scent of little boy’s booty holes on the index finger…

Well, that’s it for this week.  Thanks to everyone who helped spread the word.  The growth of this site has left us all extremely grateful.  You keep reading em and we’ll keep writing em.

Diggems

Max’s Quik F’its!

Posted in Quik F'its with tags , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2009 by Max

evilmonkeybuisnesssuit1Well for Daily F**k Its, week number three has drawn to a swift conclusion. I actually spent the end of last week and first half of this week feeling crappier than two day old sh*t (thanks A. A.)!

Word of advice, if you’re going to catch a nasty flu bug from someone, you want to first make sure that they don’t have the physical constitution of a race horse, because if they can catch a flu bug that knocks them out, when they transfer that bad boy to your weak and frail frame… Well let’s just put it this way… Saturday and Sunday I barely had enough strength to breath, let alone walk and talk!

Anyway, this has been another great week for our site! I want to thank all of our readers! To be honest, from a “news” perspective, compared to last week, this week has been pretty uneventful. No low speed car chases through Diggems’ Hollywood neighborhood, no teen singing sensations face-planting their superstar girlfriends on the sidewalk in public. This week it was just the normal stuff; $1 Trillion dollar stimulus packages, plane crashes, and monkeys beating the sh*t out of little ol’ ladies!

Oh yeah, we did have the All-star Game on Sunday, which I didn’t watch. They play that particular game like they don’t care, so I watched another channel like I didn’t care either. I was actually invited to go to Phoenix for All-star weekend but decided well in advance that I didn’t want to run the risk of getting mugged by someone like…

<— This guy! Or these guys! —>

 Just kidding! Mr. Iverson’s actually sporting a brand new hairdo, although somehow he still has a big thick “part” down the middle of a low fade?!? But I guess that just isn’t going anywhere! Anyhoo…

Thanks for the $3,333!
That is your contribution to the stimulus package, along with every other man, woman, and child in America. I figured that out by myself, so it could be off by a couple of thousand bucks…

As much as people complain about their tax dollars being “mis”-used, I still ask the same question, “What difference does it make what your tax dollars are used for? It’s not like you’re paying any less in taxes whether they pay for a war in Iraq, sex education for immigrants, or foreclosure relief for millions of Americans!” When I give a homeless person a dollar, I don’t grill the guy about whether he’ll buy a bottle of booze, a sandwich, or a vial of crack with the loot, either way its money gone.

I think it is flawed to complain about the usage of “your” tax dollars (they’re never really yours)… You elect the guy that spends the money, so you don’t get to bitch and whine if he decides to spend your money launching nukes up the ass of dark people in other countries…

This is One of Those Times Where Hindsight Kinda Sucks…
This week we all heard about the plane crashing into the house in Buffalo! Not really that much to see here; although, now their claiming that the pilots on board were inexperienced, and didn’t have “enough training”. Ooops! Isn’t that something you probably want to determine before you load up the plane with passengers and luggage, and fire the damn thing into the sky?!?

My Two Favorite Things: Monkeys and Midgets
ti-gunsI usually don’t share the above information with anyone… But there is just something really funny to me about really short people or primates in grown up peoples clothes! Anyway, the chimpanzee that attacked Carla Nash on Monday February 16th gets a huge “F” for Fail.

ti-guns3First of all, instead of being short, cute and funny like Chim-Chim from Speed Racer, that f**ker was big, pissed and wrinkled like Della Reese in Harlem Nights! And then, instead of clowning around for bananas ‘n sh*t like most monkeys, this one went on a several hour long murderous rampage for no apparent reason! Its hard to find anything humorous about this story, unless – of course – you find the fact that it was drugged with anti-anxiety pill Xanax, stabbed repeatedly, hit with a shovel, and then finally shot several times before it would die – funny!

I guess there’s a moral in that story somewhere, but for now I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Anyway, again thanks for reading us this week farewell, adieu, and que te cuides!

Ps. As always, we’ll be back bright and early on Monday with brand new content. Also, if you haven’t already, hop over and check out our sister site Sex.Money.Politics. (SMP)!

Pss. Tell your friends about us!

Max

Meat-a-tarians United

Posted in The Vent with tags , , , , , on February 19, 2009 by Diggems

I am hereby considering myself a meat-a-tarian.  I’m sick of all these leaf eaters looking at my meals and wrinkling their nose.  You can take all your plant-loving beliefs and shove them up the ass of a tasty bacon fried ham.  I actually had a woman, whom I didn’t know, inform me of all the health risks my bacon double cheeseburger induced.  She stood there whipping her hair back, standing on her podium of organic bullsh*t and lectured me! I had to look around a couple of times just to make sure she wasn’t talking to somebody else.

“You do realize that pigs eat their own feces,” she started.

A couple of people around my table listened in, acting as if they were really interested in something else.

Animals were put here to enjoy this lovely planet with the rest of us.”

She actually tried to ram this pointless piece of information down my throat in a joking fashion.  I took another bite of my greasy burger letting the ketchup and meat bits fall from my mouth and back on the plate.  I’m typically not a messy eater, but this time around I didn’t give a shit.

“Oh really?” I responded.

It’s times like this that I hate being a nice guy, because I really wanted to lay into this leaf eater.  She could probably tell from the look on my face that I wasn’t amused.

“I hope your not offended by my observation,” she continued unfazed. “I just wanted you to know that you should give vegetables a chance.”

I did,” I responded sarcastically,  “I ordered the fries.”

TODAY! It’s time to take action fellow meat eaters.  It’s time to bring back our right to shoot, slaughter, and cage tasty animals for our own enjoyment.  The days of lying in grassy fields eating roots and twigs is over.  Let’s all band together and go slaughter something.  Let’s try out new meats.  I bet panda would taste exquisite slowly roasting over hot burning coals.  We need to broaden our horizons, think outside the box.  Just think about it, sautéed baby seals fresh off the club with a nice vinaigrette sauce.  Mmmmm mmmm good.

I reject you vegetarians.  I reject you P.E.T.A..  Our ancestors didn’t get devoured by sabre tooth tigers and wolves so that I could sit around the house eating tofu all day.  It’s time for some get back.  I declare today “National Slap a Plant Eater Day”.  It’s easy to do.  Just sprinkle some organic lettuce around (they’re attracted to that sh**t like felines to catnip), and when they all show up in their Toyota Prius’ and hemp made clothing, you make your move.  Slap them like your life depends on it.  Slap ’em till they squeal.  The human race depends on it!  Do it for yourself, do it for your children!  Do it for America!

Diggems